April 2009 – Mike Lipsius and Brian Baker

If Only I Had Balls

The Girl in High School

Monday night stagnation.

Writing at the pub, drinking cheap beer

and watching Monday Night Football.

And then you see her.

“Hi Michael, do you remember me?”

If only you had balls.

You remember her if it did take a few seconds.

She now had a hot body and was working as a lawyer.

Back in the day, you found her cute,

But you had no balls.

That her smile and cheerfulness sometimes gave you a hard-on

was kept a secret, since you had no balls.

You went into denial

when the boys would joke about Melanie the Cow.

She was a touch too big,

but you were the white boy who wanted to shout,

“Baby got back!”

No, you went for the girls you had no chance with,

as your self esteem level dropped.

You never had a BBW fetish,

but at that pool party, the boys were talking

about the fattest girl in a bathing suit.

You didn’t have the balls to say was the prettiest.

If you had balls,

you might be banging a hot rich chick,

rather than drinking cheap beer

and watching a 16-3 football game.

written and performed by Mike Lipsius
(winner of BEST PERFORMANCE)
Farther than Hemingway or Kerouac

Farther than Hemingway or Kerouac

There’s no pragmatism in ruing the day –

no passion when whining about woes,

filling depends with more maudlin dreams than a drunken starlet.

You sir have fallen into that like a descended bowel

protruding finger-like out of a prostrate exam scowl.

The doctor should shoot you now,

But you’re no Hemingway.

Oh no, resilience is your golden sabre

stabbing the bullish zeal

of self-loathing.

And in Kerouac’s philosophy:

live with no regrets.

Then again how far did that

trip take him.

written and perfromed by Brian Baker

note: Winner of BEST POEM was DUNCAN ARMSTONG for “Do’s and Don’ts”

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